Coaching Emotions: Turning Frustration Into Fuel

Handling Player Emotions

A player who plays without emotion isn’t very good. But a player whose emotions control them isn’t either…

Every locker room needs a mix of personalities to build a successful team. You need a fiery leader, a thoughtful peacemaker, gritty competitors, and unselfish workers. But managing all of those emotions and moods? That wasn’t covered in your college coaching classes—and it’s certainly not included in your already-too-small coaching stipend!

So, how does a coach manage player emotions?

First off, every player is different, shaped by unique circumstances that influence their emotions. Taking the time to learn about their home life and personal situations can greatly increase your success in managing them. However, every player will experience two common emotions at some point in the season, and a wise coach must be ready to handle them effectively:

Frustration and Anger

Players get frustrated. They get angry. Sometimes, their feelings are justified. Other times, they’re being childish and selfish. Either way, poorly managing frustration and anger can destroy a team. So, how does a coach turn negative emotions into positive action?

1. Acknowledge It

Sometimes, all a player needs is to know that you see their frustration and will have patience with them. It’s okay not to be okay—for a short period. Let them know that anger can be a good thing if it’s for the right reasons. Being upset about mistakes, losing, or poor behavior can be motivating. Acknowledge their anger, agree with it if necessary, and then help them develop a plan to use it productively.

2. Laugh About It

Don’t laugh at a player who is angry or frustrated, but laugh with them when appropriate. Sometimes, taking a lighthearted approach is the secret sauce. Every coach needs to know their personality and relationship with the athlete to joke accordingly. But sometimes, a well-timed smile and a comment like, “It’s going to be okay… your girl still loves you,” or “Man, we could use that fire on Tuesday night against South. Now, have a Snickers—you’re hangry.” can defuse tension.

3. Channel It

Encourage emotionally charged players to use that energy constructively. Frustration and anger can fuel effort. Challenge them to shut down an opposing ball handler, grab every rebound with intensity, or outwork their matchup. However, make it clear that emotion should be channeled into effort, not contact. There’s a big difference, and it’s your job to ensure they understand it.

4. Control It

Above all, a coach’s job is to teach life skills. One of the greatest takeaways from sports is learning to control emotions. Teach your players to turn around, walk away, swallow the curse word, or take a deep breath. The way they learn to manage their emotions now will shape how they handle serious life challenges later. As hard as it is in the moment, teaching kids to handle themselves under pressure might just save their life one day.

5. Model It

If you want your players to control their emotions, you must lead by example. Your team will reflect your emotional tone. If they see you throwing a tantrum, they’ll feel empowered to do the same. Conversely, if they know you’re furious at a bad call but see you stay composed and focus on coaching the team instead, they’ll learn what control under pressure looks like.

Every traffic stop by a police officer follows one of two paths. One path leads to mutual respect, cooperation, and a smooth outcome. The other path—where one or both parties are disrespectful, uncooperative, or aggressive—can lead to disaster. Those are the life skills you’re coaching into your team.

Great coaching isn’t just about putting a ball through a hoop. You’ll never be paid enough for the impact you have. But watching your athletes win in emotional situations—on and off the court—will be the biggest victories of your career.